If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
