We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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