Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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