my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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