He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
