Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
