she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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