Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize