i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
