You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
this hospital has no fireball
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