So drunk its hurt
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
