You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
