I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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