We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
