Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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