come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
