Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
