Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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