are you still at the devil's house?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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