So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
