just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
