I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
