ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
