I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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