Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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