How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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