Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
