we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dignity is for republicans.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
