Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
