oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
