The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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