that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
