You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
