Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
