I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
