i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She bit a glass in half.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
