Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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