i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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