i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
