There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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