I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
