he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She bit a glass in half.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
