I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
