two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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