Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
