considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Alive.
So much puke
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
