how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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