3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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