I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
