before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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