i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
